Just that

What am I doing with my life,
might you ask.

Well I know
but I don't
and I think
that you won't
ever be able
to understand
that I can't
just come back
to the time
where I lived
as a guy
without need
of finding
whatever
makes me
feel alive
once again
for a while...

What am I doing with my life?
Just trying to not fuck up bad.